10 Clever Quotes for Chuckling

10 Clever Quotes for Chuckling


Some days affirmations and inspirational quotes just irritate me. They don’t encourage me at all, they just make me feel like kicking things. Know what I'm saying? 

Here are some great little street smart quotes for those days when you don't want softened edges and pastel colours... 

I bet you can't get through these without a smirk or maybe even a chuckle! 

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words. 
– Calvin & Hobbes

Our parents teach us that swearing is bad, even though they do it… And I’ve continued the same message with my children, but apparently haven’t been able to lead by example… When my eldest son was about two he was sitting in a sandpit trying to reach his drink bottle. When it toppled over he said “for f…’s sake”. Oops, must remember absolutely no swearing in front of the children!

Fair dibs two year olds swearing is not appropriate, but there are times in life when nothing other than a swear word will do.

Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.
– Malcolm Muggeridge

Don't get stinky... Do it your way. 

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
– Jim Carrey

Did you ever hear that story about Hillary and Bill Clinton pulling up for gas in a small country town? Hillary commented that the guy filling their tank had been one of her high school sweethearts. Bill said, “Well dear, you could have ended up married to a service station worker”.

Hillary replied, “No dear, he would have been the president”.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
– Robert Benchley

As a chronic sufferer of foot in mouth disease, this is definitely something I need to master... A little something in that for all of us I imagine.

(And another from Robert Benchley because he's just so darn quotable)... Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. 

Is there any such thing as the truth? Apparently it’s out there, but definitely not to be found in the media… Why let the truth get in the way of a good story anyway!

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.
– Lily Tomlin

Lily is such a funny lady. What a great dry wit. This list was very nearly half full of Lily quotes but I went for variety instead. This particular quote is a good reminder to be specific about what you wish for.

I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
– Carl Sandburg

I’m an idealist too. How about you? I don’t know if my ideals are actually achievable but I’m also stubborn so it seems to be working so far.

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
– Laurence J. Peter

Did your mother say this to you? The first part anyway? Mine did. I’m the eldest so I always had to set the example and be the model of good behaviour. What a drag.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
– Ellen DeGeneres

This quote bears absolutely no message or advice. It’s just funny!

Good things happen to those who hustle.
– Anaïs Nin

This however is great advice. One of my favourite quotes… If you want good stuff to happen… get hustling. Hustle is a great word.

How’d you do? Did you make it through straight faced? Bet you didn't! Which was your fave?

First published on my blog: leavinthebigsmoke

>>> Leonie Orton is a writer, editor and marketing communications consultant. She'll create communication mediums in the shape of words, graphics and webs for your business, connecting you with the people who need you. Get in touch byemailfacebook or twitter. And if you're not already signed up for new writings and special offers, get hooked up here

Wisdom... It's Out There

Wisdom... It's Out There

'Stuff' Editing - Are You Doing It?

'Stuff' Editing - Are You Doing It?